Today is my husband's birthday and I wished him happy birthday. We aren’t going to be doing anything special, we never do anything for birthdays anymore. Birthdays (along with Christmas and most other holidays) are just another day, whether his or mine, they don’t matter anymore. All they are now is a reminder of our impending doom, death. But one special thing is happening today, we are getting a new water heater so I told him if he wanted to he could pretend that this was his birthday gift. I know that I had previously mentioned all our bad luck lately and our water heater broke (See: An Insatiable Thirst), it was still under warranty because the one that just started giving us trouble was only 5 years old and it had a 9 year warranty not that it matters because instead of replacing it at now cost we still have to pay the installation fee and they only gave $250 off towards a new one so the damn thing still ended up costing over $600. We did have one bit of lucky though, we were able to get the new installation scheduled for today, only a few days before Christmas..
I'm dragging a little bit right now because I was up till 3:30 a.m. last night on Second Life. I can't believe I spent that much time just chit-chatting with strangers, so unproductive (but a least in between the banter I was able to finish a little bit of laundry). I spoke of Second Life before (See: My Double Life) I don’t remember how much detail I went into regarding Second Life with my last posting on the subject but I do recall speaking of my experience and I may have mentioned that I spent most of my time in London City. I really liked that location. There were a lot of people there and lots of activity. I really hadn't noticed but since my first time visiting the location the rating of the room was changed from “M” or Mature to “G” or General Audience which means you're not allowed to come in with a nude character anymore (not that I did that anyway but there were plenty of naked avatars coming and going, in and out, all during any of the previous evenings I had spent in the room) and along with the rating change you are no longer allowed to cuss. I spoke of this one lady that was very anti-Trump and she was dropping the “F-bomb” like a sailor on leave, her language from that night would not be tolerated at this point.
I was drinking again and found myself back in London City. I generally only enjoy the Second Life interaction after I have been drinking so that's about the only time I really go into Second Life. If I’m not drinking playing on the computer discussing a bunch of nonsense with other drunks isn't as much fun so if I'm going to be on the computer I’d rather be doing something like playing World of Warcraft or posting in this blog or something of that nature. I am really not a social creature anymore and the more my anxiety level has been increasing (panic attacks are creeping their way back into my life of recent days) the less social I feel (I hope to correct my lack of being social after the New Year and will somehow incorporate in in my New Year’s resolutions).
Anyway during my conversation I used the word “bitch” or “pussy”, I can’t remember anymore but said one or the other and then after it was pointed out to me that I had done newly sinful action (I say newly because before the M to G changes this room was filled with people using the worst kind of language and hate-talk you can imagine) so I apologized for using the words I had used and spelled it out so as not to offend any further, I spelled “b.i.t.c.h.” or “p.u.s.s.y.” I think I wrote about all this already so I might be repeating myself, but I was relentlessly reprimanded for the use of the word (it was as if there were no forgiving but now I realize it was just the moderator being an asshole). I apologized actually because the person that was offended by my use of the word seemed to have lost their mind and said “watch your language” and just kept going on and on about this being a G rated site and such language or adult activities were not permitted. So in an attempt to further my apology and correct my faux pas I shared with them a story about when I was a kid in the fifth grade my teacher put a word on the chalkboard and asked us to try to rhyme it with another word. The word was “pitch”. Children were raising their hands and shouting out every word they could think of that rhymed and I was desperate to join in on the fun and the first word that came to my mind was “bitch” (which I spelled out when recalling this memory in London City, again so as not to break the NEW rules of the room) and raised my hand. I thought it was a perfect word as I know that I had heard it being used at some point in my life, I just didn’t know what it meant or that it was a cuss word, (or what some might consider as a cuss word because my teacher did clarify its meaning) so in front of the whole class and my teacher I said “BITCH”. The entire class room laughed and I was confused, I didn't even realize it was a swear word I just knew it was a word that I heard and it rhymed with “pitch”. My teacher actually explained it was a word that some people use, I guess she realized that I was ignorant to the fact that the word was nasty otherwise she would have punished me, but instead said while it was a word that could be found in the dictionary she couldn’t put it on the board because should the principal walk in the room he would not appreciate seeing it listed. At some point some kid yelled from across the room “it's a curse word you dummy” and as I said earlier my teacher confirmed this but also said but in some references it meant a female dog so it was depending on the context as to whether is was a curse word or not. So as I relate this story to the visitor of London City other avatars of Second Life suddenly made me the target of attacks and started shouting stuff like “throw him out of the room” and another shouted “He has a boring voice and is driving me crazy”, another shouted “he's monotonous he's not saying anything just ranting and raving and blah blah blah”.
I was trying my best to get these people to accept me and my apology and suddenly right in the middle of trying my best to win over these people I was literally ejected from the room. I couldn’t believe how nasty the people were being and I think that the moderator of the room was just looking for any excuse to cause an issue, I guess to justify their existence as a moderator.
I was upset and I met up with a person I knew from previous visits named Zera and his boyfriend and spent about 15 minutes at their personal location, or residence, or site, whatever your preference to refer to the chat rooms is, that’s where I was, in Zera’s personal space and I spoke with them for about 15 minutes or so before telling them I really wanted to get back to London City because I enjoy the location, it really is my favorite and I have met a lot of good people there. I also needed to try to go back for my own curiosity to see if I had been permanently banned or just kicked out for that visit, I was dying to know. Could the moderator have been that shallow to refuse me reentry? Could people be that hard-headed or just that mean because I misspoke?
The minute I returned to the room someone shouted “He's back!” as if I were some sort of disease or something to be wary of and I responded “Please don't throw me out of the room again.” I went on risking that if I continued to speak I would be treated again like a trespasser and ousted. I pleaded with whomever was listening and told them I really like it here and I was very sorry for what I had said and if my story had annoyed anyone that was truly not my intent. I said “The whole thing was a big mistake, a misunderstanding” and in reaction the moderator named “Sweet” something or another said (I'm really bad with names, especially after I've been drinking) said "Read your IM’s" which I did and to my surprise she was telling me I needed to stop talking about the fact that I was thrown out of the room otherwise she would be eject me again. So now I was being muzzled. I was not even allowed to talk about being kicked out.
I was shocked because now I was in trouble for saying I was thrown out of the room. It seemed more to me like they just didn't want me to talk, so I did didn't know what to say anymore, I felt like just the sound of my voice was going to get me banned at this point. I realized they were looking for any excuse to attack someone and tonight there were no trolls in the room so they decided to make me a troll, they created an issue where there was no issue. I stopped talking for awhile, I figured even though my purpose for being there was to converse with people (as I said I was drunk which is the only reason and time in enjoy inane conversations) I would rather stay in silence than be thrown out again. Luckily things moved on and after some of the people that had started the trouble had left the location I began talking again with the new arrivals (or people that weren't in the room or just didn't care about the whole situation) and had a great conversation with these new and indifferent people and at the end of the night I wished them all a very pleasant “Well guys have a good night and I'm really glad we had some time to talk” and turned off my computer.
So fast forward to last night I entered London City and it was quite crowded, it was another late night and there were a lot of twenty-somethings, college kids, maybe even youngers (teens) running their avatar’s through the room yelling fantastically crazy shit like “fuck this and fuck that” or “suck my dick”, walking up to avatars like my own saying “Are you a fag?” One of these children told me I should commit suicide and followed up with “ and when I say commit suicide I'm talking about your real life not your Second Life because nobody would give a fuck about you”. Nasty children and it seemed like there was no one with any sense or decorum in the location except for one person named “Wild” something or another who said to ignore them, saying this is always the way it is during holidays when children are allowed to play on the Internet because their parents are distracted by their own celebratory activities. When I told her I was thrown out the night before just for saying a word deemed unacceptable and despite spelling it out when I tried to apologize and explain my use of the word “BITCH” (or pussy, can't recall) she said that she had been there when the ejection occurred and saw the spectacle so she knew exactly about the incident of which I was speaking, agreeing that they had been too restrictive and punitive in their approach to handling my incident (in other words they had overreacted). In regards to tonight however she explained there is no parental guidance or control during the holidays and children are allowed to run wild. This really surprised the “fuck” out of me especially when “Sweet” something or another (the Angry Moderator) told me I was not even allowed to talk about being thrown out of the room when I tried to defend myself. You would think that with this certainty that minors would be running-amok during holidays there would me more moderation of the site, and not less. I honestly think some of these trouble makers were very young children (probably many teen and maybe even preteen) in the room and when I said that they should not be up this late, that they should be in bed, Wild responded “You know how parents are today they don't give a shit”. But that’s the thing, I always thought with all the goings on today, and the risk to their children, parents today seem so much more worried and restrictive than our parents of the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and even 80’s were. Children today should not supposed to be allowed to be online after (say) 8:00 PM because of the risk of hearing, seeing, or even being the victim of adult entertainment yet here these children were after midnight online, (these violent, hateful, mocking children) attacking adults who were did nothing to invite these assaults other than enter a social media meant for adults (G rated or not, at this hour children should not have been online). The adults of London City who were just trying to pass the night and be entertained my conversing with other adults did not need this childish interference.
Talk about double standards though, in regards to London City, Second Life, and TOA policy. Only a day or two before I was thrown out for misspeaking and then trying to defend myself and here we are a few days later and children (not adults) are cussing, using every fowl word there is, wishing people dead and the moderators do nothing.
What's more amazing is that the parents today pretend to be so controlling over their children and their behavior yet they probably don't know that their kids are up at their computer desks in the middle of the night getting away with the nastiness that these kids were doing. Children are the cause of more than half the problem (okay so that is an opinion, not fact) on the Internet just because they are allowed to be on the Internet. It should be dismissive or disinterested parent that are punished for their children and their activities because these children are the real criminals and they themselves incite and bring about many of the illegal activities that happen online. These neglectful parents are putting their children at risk allowing them to play in an adult world when they should be in bed and when you compare the risks it is really no different than allowing them to ride the front seat of a car without a child safety seat, their children will more than likely survive the drive (we did as children) but they could end up hurt or even in extreme cases dead. The adults conversations that generally occur on Second Life could put an adult at risk just because some "horny" or nasty child is online late at night (or for that matter anytime they are online the child is at risk) enticing or lying to an innocent adult who at this hour should be comfortable that anyone online at this point would be at minimum over 18 years of age however these parents that allow their babies to play in the middle of the night with drunks and perverts and just adults in general, they are the real criminals.
My friend Zera has the ability to let the type of childish attacks that were occurring during this conversation to roll off his back but I’m a little more sensitive, I take things more personally. Anyway, one guy attacked me saying that we “fags” announce that we are “fags and queers” as soon as we arrive in the room and the fact of the matter was and is that I never once said I was gay but as soon as my friend Zera entered the room and started talking he was attacked because his voice is slightly effeminate. The children started accusing him of being male despite his never claiming to be anything other than who he was, a feline avatar, on an adult site, after midnight. The children in the room started yelling at him “What are you doing here queer? We don't want you here!”
Zera had invited another friend named Deano to join the room whom I absolutely adore. Deano came into the room, a straight male with four children and immediately defended the fags and queers that were being attacked by these innocent children whose parents were probably sitting drunk around their Christmas trees dreaming of the next morning when their little homophobic foul mouthed darlings would be unwrapping the gifts that Santa Claus brought. Deano was very masculine with an avatar that represented a recently lost pet, a husky dog and he created this avatar, a canine in honor of his recently passed dog. He was a really nice guy and he was amazing because he really knew how to handle these kids, he would go right up to them and put them in their place, challenging them like a parent would challenge a naughty child. Apparently he doesn't put up with a lot shit and especially at 1:30 AM in the morning when these children should be in bed.
The children started leaving the room, I guess anticipating what Santa would be bringing them and I too said “Well I’m going to bed”. Zera said “Well Deano and I are going to go to my place you're welcome to join us.” and Zera’s avatar disappeared meaning that he had transported. I told Deano that I was going to to bed so I would not be showing up however he convinced me that he wanted to carry on the conversation we had been having. He was a very nice guy and I have to say that his voice was sexy (as well as his avatar). He said he was enjoying talking to me and asked me to please join them.
It was very flattering to have somebody actually ask me to join them because they wanted to continue to converse so I went to Zera’s place and met them, the three of us had a nice long conversation. It turns out that Deano is a Trump supporter but he was very nice I can’t hold his political views against him, he was such a sweet man. I understand that Trump stands for hate and racism among many other anti-progressive, anti-diversity descriptors but I really can’t not like a man like Deano (or the for U.S.S.R. Russian man I work with) who are very nice, just because they have an opposing political view. What is scary though is that I like many of the Germans during World War II Nazi occupation they are accepting and not opposing the talk of racism and hatred that is going along with the talk of hope and other double speak by our Republican overlords, hoping that these times will pass and not result in murder of millions the way history has proven that people like Trump and his ilk tend to lead.