Saudade

I like the word "Saudade" but I have to admit I don't like the way its pronounced. One "YouTube" post indicates the pronunciation is "Sa-daw-chay" (Saying, 2014) while another site indicates "Soh-dawd" (Contributors, 2008) but in my determination the worst and my least favorite is "Soh-dah-duh" (Dictionary, n.d.). It really depends on whether you use the Portuguese or Brazilian pronunciation and I guess simply which sounds best to you. Despite my feelings for how the word is said, the main reason I like the term is because it more or less epitomizes my feelings and thoughts when I started thinking about authoring this site and as such determined to use the word to represent all that is contained within this vessel I am calling "Saudade".

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I already maintain what one might describe as the typical personal blog website that people generally create to describe their lives and what is happening to them and I do still on occasion make entries to that blog but I wanted something more generic and more anonymous. First and foremost I think that people get tired of seeing and reading blogs that are described as "this is the story of my life" as they desperately hope that someone will find their goings-on interesting enough to follow them and keep up what is happening in their lives and in a small (and maybe sometimes not so small way) this site will do the same for me, however I will continue to utilize my "WordPress" blog to describe and bore what few followers I have with the monotony of my life. Second "Saudade" (the details of which I will get more into shortly) seems to describe more accurately than most words what I am seeking to chronicle in this undertaking. And while I am sure there are other reasons I have determined that I want to establish and maintain this website I must stress that I do plan to share feelings that will go beyond the definition of "Saudade", feelings of anger, fear, joy, happiness, and disgust among others. "Saudade" in its definition will portray any sadness or longing that might be reeling my feeble brain at any given moment, but more importantly will encompass all of that which is important to me that I simply cannot share with those people whom I am linked socially and professionally.

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I live in America or more precisely the U.S.A. which we all know as of January 20, 2017 will become "Trump's Nation" (as a side note having been born in Germany to a German mother I will no longer refer to myself as American rather I will opt for the description "German with an American citizenship") and I anticipate that here in the United States many of the freedoms and rights we have always enjoyed will begin to be overturned in favor of benefitting that 1% it seems truly dictate the laws and lives in this country as these misers and repressive dictators desperately seek to cling to whatever wealth they have achieved at the expense of the common man. Sites like this will begin to disappear as the average American will begin to fear the repercussions of presenting their points of view as their fears of big government which ironically, historically, so many Americans blamed Obama and his administration as they screamed about betrayal to and in their freedoms, will find that when it comes to the rich such notions of true freedom will become as finite as their bank accounts which for most American citizens will be representative to spitting in the wind and calling it a hurricane.

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So on to "Saudade"... in English we have the word "Yearning" which in all honesty, in this website, we could replace every instance of the reference saudade with the word yearning and the results (I believe) would be the same. "Saudade" is a Portuguese word and as I noted at the beginning of this post can be pronounced differently depending on whether the European or Brazilian form is used and apparently there are many other bastardizations of the word as well. So when we research "Saudade" we find there really is no comparable term in English and there are many ways to describe it and because of this I have decided to rely on good-ole "Wikipedia"(Contributors, n.d.).  First thing I want to say I am confused a bit about saudade being a noun as opposed to an adjective. Looking at the word as you would any other noun and thinking about the definition it feels more like a description of a feeling rather that the being of a feeling. One website that I'm not going to bother referencing uses the word in a sentence as "I moved to New York and feel some saudade." So in the context of a noun it doesn't seem to fit "I moved to New York and feel like an apple." or "I moved to New York and feel like a table". Maybe I'm just not thinking about it right but I needed to say that it feels more like a noun but admittedly "English grammar" is one of my worst subjects.

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Saudade (which in my mind I pronounce as "soh-dawd") is a "deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that can never return". Most websites say this is hard to translate into English but as I previously mentioned I think that the word "yearning" kind of fits but it seems with a yearning you can possibly obtain that which you lost, want, or need. I can yearn for a banana split and simply go to an Ice Cream store and satisfy that need but it doesn't fit with Saudade. You can't "saudade" for a banana split because part of the definition is that the object can never return. So "yearn" will fit when it comes to seeing a deceased parent but saudade will not fit with the banana split. We have all lost so much, things that will never return and no matter what we do or how we feel these things will never return. Whether a loved-one or a pet that has died or if its something less tangible like the feeling we once shared (and I'm being extremely facetious now) about our fellow citizens such as myself, here in the United State of America, before I found out that a majority of my neighbors, co-workers, family, and friends are racist, hateful, desperate people that enabled an insane tyrant to become our leader. I am consumed with SAUDADE when I realize that I can never again believe that the people of this nation are good people, strong and right but are instead hateful, cynical, intolerant, evil and Machiavellian.

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So, in closing, this website is my attempt to describe my "Saudade", my loss that will never and can never return, and at the same time I invite others to share their Saudade by visiting the "I Am Saudade" page. I look forward to hearing from you and will post what is shared.